Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
