There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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