I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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