She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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