Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
