FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
