I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
