me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
