i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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