even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
