Too much gin, very little bucket
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
