Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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