I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
