i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
