Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
