Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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