peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
