im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
