i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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