The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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