i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
