can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize