Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
