In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
