DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
