By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
