So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
