Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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