Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
