you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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