You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
