The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
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