she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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