We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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