She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
