I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
