Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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