Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
