Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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