dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
