Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
