So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
