I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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