I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
