You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
either way he was missing a nipple.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
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