Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you didnt know i had herpes?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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