just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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