capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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