Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
