glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
