member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize