I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Also, beer. Big fan.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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