I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
