I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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