Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
