My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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