I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
