fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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