The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
