glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
