I don't remember. Are we still dating?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
