apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
