There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
