Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
