They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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