You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She has the best kind of daddy issues
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
