I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
