I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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