I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
