I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
we're so committed to being not committed
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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