Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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