I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
