just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
