I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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